Guest Post from Elaine Poole (Eric’s Visionary Mother)

Hello, dear slovenly readers! My name is Elaine, and I’m Eric’s beloved mother, the woman who – with only the help of a shag carpeting rake and an iron will - shaped Eric into the semi-successful, not-currently-incarcerated adult he is today. Because I’m always offering Eric unsolicited and terribly helpful tips on keeping his home looking like the display model it was meant to be, he suggested that I get off his back and offer [...]

December 4, 2018

My nephew passed away in October. I know what you’re thinking: “Dude, I don’t read this blog to cry. My mascara isn’t waterproof.” (The women probably feel that way, too.) But don’t worry - this isn’t a sad post. Brian was a special kid. Severely handicapped, he couldn’t walk by himself, feed or bathe himself. He required care 24/7. But he was, as all these kids are, an absolute bundle of love, and he gave [...]

Nov 23, 2018

There was a woman on my flight this morning who was doing her level best to cough up both her lungs. Nonstop. It was Thanksgiving morning. I, along with everyone else on the plane, was flying home to see family. And holidays are, for those of us traveling from a blue state to a red - or  vice versa - fraught with its own special brand of terror. And none of us really wanted to [...]

November 6, 2018

The Audible version of my latest book just came out, and everyone seems to be asking me the same question: “Why didn’t YOU read it?” Those of you who’ve heard me speak aloud can’t be blamed for posing such a question, since you’d likely agree that my rich, velvety voice would caress the ears of listeners far and wide. (As my college voice teacher once said, in what I’m sure was a compliment: “I know [...]

October 8, 2018

I went to see A Star is Born this weekend, and – spoiler alert – Bradley Cooper dies. As someone frequently mistaken for Bradley (‘s taller, dorkier, way less hot brother), it got me to thinking: Would anyone sing a song for me, with a 50-piece orchestra, when I’m dead? I fear that any tributes will be more along the lines of recounting when I threw up on a girl’s va-j-j in high school [...]

August 24, 2018

I’m not a racist. Really. Last spring, my husband and I were at a snotty charity event in Palm Springs. It’s one we probably had no business being at given the ticket price; we were, essentially, two Cinderella’s at the ball, minus the glass slippers and ugly stepsisters. But  I do marketing work for a travel company that donated a cruise to the silent auction, and the owners of the company took us as their [...]

August 15, 2018

A CAUTIONARY TALE I was visiting my sister in St. Louis when her housekeeper arrived. I’d never met this girl, a friendly, 40ish white woman. (I only mention that the maid is white for the novelty of it all. I live in California.) She plunked her tackle box of cleaning supplies down on the kitchen counter and sighed. “It’s my last day,” she said. “We’re moving to Tampa.” “Oh, nice!” I said by way of [...]

July 30,2018

I think I might be too busy. Oh, don’t get all judgy on me, I’m not trying to impress you. It’s not like I’m living some glamorous Kardashian-inspired (a phrase I never thought I would utter) life where the excitement is nonstop. It’s not like I need a break from invitations to yachts on the French Riviera and ryads in Marrakech. (But if any of you have a plus one, I’m available.) I think I’m [...]

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