I know that even in the midst of all the insane calamities surrounding us these days – terrorism, natural disasters. Donald Trump – we have to forge ahead. Life is filled with both tragedy and triumph, and we can’t let ourselves drown in the deep end of despair, even if the White House being renamed Trump Palace makes us want to.
To paraphrase the wisdom of General Foods’ International Coffees, we must commemorate the joyous moments of our lives, if only to remind ourselves that life is more than just one scary s***storm after another. So I say, party down, do the Macarena, Celebrate Good Times, Come On.
But I draw the line at a hot pink, super-stretch Hummer limo and a two million dollar diamond ring.
Celebration is one thing, ostentation is another. In a world where tornadoes and floods and earthquakes render thousands homeless, where war leaves innocent bystanders limbless, where a lack of basic necessities leaves people around the world starving, how do you say, “Hmmm…I wonder if Hummer makes a 16-person limo that would match my dress?”
As I sat at a stoplight watching drunken bachelorettes hurling themselves out the moonroof of this block-long wad of vehicular eye puss, I wondered, was donating half the money to Japan and taking a standard limo just not obnoxious enough?
Basketball player Kris Humphries just gave Kim Kardashian a 20.5 carat, $2 million engagement ring. Granted, if the reality show ever (mercifully) dies, Kim can start a second career landing planes with that thing, but really – imagine how many houses they could build in Joplin, Missouri with half of that money.
Don’t get me wrong. I love business class flights (using miles), celebrity chef restaurants (with a Groupon) and designer clothes (at a warehouse sale). I’m not a tree-hugging, Cumbaya, Socialist bummer (all the time). I just think that somewhere up the food chain, there has to be a limit. Just because you make $10 million a year doesn’t mean you need to blow $5 million gold-plating your Bentley – while the guy who drives your Bentley lives in a Kenmore box because his house was washed away.
It is important to enjoy life. A little luxury makes your heart feel good. But – and this is just a thought, mind you – maybe for the rich, a little less luxury and a little more generosity would make your hearts feel even better.
Of course, I’m probably talking out of my ass, here. I mean, imagine how cool I’d look standing on a jewel-encrusted soapbox?