Hello, dear slovenly readers! My name is Elaine, and I’m Eric’s beloved mother, the woman who – with only the help of a shag carpeting rake and an iron will – shaped Eric into the semi-successful, not-currently-incarcerated adult he is today.

Because I’m always offering Eric unsolicited and terribly helpful tips on keeping his home looking like the display model it was meant to be, he suggested that I get off his back and offer them here, instead.

Well, the opportunity to impact the masses didn’t go unnoticed by yours truly. I can almost smell the excitement coming from you disheveled homemakers already!

After all, what woman doesn’t dream of having a perfect home? A home that has others muttering, “Smell HER”? A home that positively screams “Overachieving Nutcase”?

Well, I do.

And soon, you will, too.