Hello again, dear failing homemakers. I’m ready to begin changing your lives!

Your many calls, emails and twats have shown me just how desperate the great unwashed is for my valuable homecare advice. So, let’s get to it!

The first area that I’d like to address is one so many struggle mightily with:


The Sink

Water in the kitchen sink after dinner is a hazard to your children’s health (when you discover it). Once the kitchen has been scoured post-meal, there is zero need for them to tarnish any surface with liquids, food or their adorable, grubby little hands.


Incentivize Kitchen Avoidance in Two Easy Steps

 *           Step 1: Gaily string electric fence wire at an unobtrusive height around all kitchen entrances.

 *           Step 2: Give your spouse and children the gift of lightweight correction collars.

Attempting to visit the kitchen after hours will result in a gentle electric shock.

Aren’t you feeling more empowered already? Isn’t a wave of superiority washing over you as we speak?

Be sure to stay tuned for exciting and helpful new tips twice a week!